I Can Not Eat What

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            I love the feeling of eating clean. You’re always cooking. You feel as if you have a new body. I don’t have to worry about my knees hurting because the inflammation is gone. I don’t have to worry about sleeping because I sleep throughout the night. I wake up joyful in the morning. Whole30 has been amazing for me. I wish I could get more people to try it so they can feel the way it changes your body and somehow makes your life less stressful.

The down side to it is I hate that my kitchen is always needing to be cleaned. There is always so much to clean as far as dishes, pots, and pans. BUT I love the feeling it gives me. I feel like a different person. A person I thought I could never be. With that being said. Whole30 was the best thing to come into my life in a long time. If you read my first post I told you how Whole30 is a very strict diet/ detox. I don’t mean a diet to lose weight, I just mean the word diet. As in your dietary routine or intake.

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If you were to read the guidelines of Whole30 you would be shocked at all of the things you can’t have. It is a good thing though because it helps detox your body for 30 days and then you slowly start to add them back in to your diet to see what certain foods are doing to your body. Many of you have heard of Paleo and how restricting it can be. Well on a scale of 1-5 as far as diets go and the things restricted, I would place Paleo at 4, Whole30 at 5 and then a Yeast Allergy at 10!" 

Yeast is in EVERYTHING! If yeast isn’t in it then you can bet your ass one of the feeder ingredients are. I know Whole30 sounds crazy to people. I don’t mind doing it. I have went on several rounds of Whole30 but reading all of the things I couldn’t have because of my yeast allergy hit me to my core. I was so upset doing the research because I was disappointed one page after another. I didn’t know what I could eat. I didn’t know if this was going to be for the rest of my life.

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           I remember back years ago in Atlanta while managing a restaurant, Walking up to a family to see how their meals was going. It was a mother, father, and their older daughter who they had just moved into college. The mother was so excited that she was able to order gluten free meatballs and pasta.

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She was happy that everything was so fresh. I offered them dessert as I usually do towards the end of a meal. Her husband ordered something for his daughter and himself. I could see she got sad after I went over what we had because she knew she couldn’t have any of it. I then explained that we had a gluten free dessert and it was on the house. 

I went back and grabbed their desserts and took them to the table. I checked back to see what they thought and her face had lit up. She was so happy that she was almost in tears. She explained that she has had celiac disease for so long and it was only recently that she was able to get products that she can have. They told me they couldn’t remember the last time they were able to share a dessert as a family and fight over the last bite. She profusely thanked me and gave me the biggest hug before they left. I teared up with her as she held me and thanked me for letting her experience that feeling again.

           While reading all of the ingredients that I can no longer have. Things like sugar, flour, syrups, agave, vinegar, and coffee. It made me remember that sweet family and how they were overjoyed to share a dessert with their wife and mother, I knew I would be like her. I can no longer fight over the last swiss cake roll in the freezer with my husband. He won't chase me around the house because I picked up a piece of cheesecake in my hand and ran away from him so he wouldn’t eat it and I could have it for myself.

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My heart broke. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what I could eat besides grilled chicken and steamed vegetables. I love condiments so much that my husband knows exactly which sauces to get when we go out to eat or if he were to pick up something for me. (By the way, that's love. Taking the time to remember over 50 sauces your significant other likes at a each place you would possibly go to and how many they need.)

Sauces and condiments were now a thing of the past.
I can’t even have oil and balsamic.
So no more Chick-fil-a bbq sauce.
No more Zaxby’s sauce.
No more ranch at my favorite bbq spot, Johnny’s Bbq.
No more ranch, blue cheese, mayo, bbq, honey mustard, regular mustard, spicy mustard, stone ground mustard, ketchup, duck sauce, italian dressing, russian dressing, raspberry vinaigrette, pepper vinegar on collard greens, or the worst of all…
hot sauce.
The amount of hot sauce
I would use in a month could fill a tub.

            I spent days not knowing what to cook. I use to love to cook. I would cook all of the time. I got so excited thinking of new ways to make dishes that I couldn’t have on Whole30 and making them compliant. But I couldn’t do that with my yeast allergy. I spent days not eating because I didn’t know what to eat. I was like Emily in The Devil Wears Prada. “I don’t eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese.”

The difference with myself and Emily was she could have cheese. I can’t. So when I would start to feel nauseous I would drink a whole bottle of water. It was easy to do for awhile because my husband travels for work and he wasn’t here to see if I had ate anything that day. I was depressed. I could feel how upset I was and I didn’t know if I would get out of my funk.

       We decided that smoothies were a good way to go. I could make green smoothies and put flax seed, hemp seed, and other good digestive things to help kill off some of the yeast. I use to love smoothies, so it made me happy making them every morning. It made my husband happy knowing I was at least eating something while he was away.

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I will be honest. The last few weeks I haven’t been making my smoothies like I should. I basically stopped cooking. I stopped eating. I’m not starving. I’m just not hungry. I know this isn’t good for my body. I know this isn’t healthy. I know I need to do something about it. I just miss eating what I want. I miss coffee. I miss pie. I miss cheesecake. I miss pasta and nachos.

But this is the process, right? This is why I am here. I am here to show you that I am not some photogenic poster woman for “Yeast Free Living!” I am not perfect and I don’t expect anyone else to be. We all struggle and fail. But we have to learn from our mistakes. We have to get up and remember that it’s never too late to get your shit together!

Kalyn Nicholson: GYST

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